Blessing Health psychiatrist Dr. Lanny Stiles has been through this situation too many times in his 50 years of helping children and families – a mass shooting at a school. This time it was an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas.

“We will see more anxiety, more worry, more depression for the next two to three months after this kind of situation,” he said. “We see it more in children when it’s a school shooting. When the victims are kids in a classroom, it affects their peers who are also kids in a classroom.”

Dr. Stiles offers the following tips to adults to help talk with children about the recent school shooting:

LISTEN TO YOUR CHILD

Dr. Stiles said this tip cannot be stressed enough.

“We have to know what is on the child’s mind, what their anxieties are. To know that we must listen. If they have questions, answer their questions with factual responses that are appropriate for their age level. You cannot give a third or fourth grader the same answer you would give a high school student.”

He cautions adults not to make any part of the conversation about what is on their mind. It’s all about the child. Listen.

AVOID CREATING ANXIETY

Dr. Stiles says if your child does not have questions, that is okay.

“You cannot force a child to talk about their feelings before they are ready.”

He suggests adults monitor how a child is reacting to information they hear through social media or the news. If the reaction appears troublesome, the adult should let the child know the adult is there to hear their feelings and concerns.

Dr. Stiles adds that rather than asking questions, some children prefer to draw a picture. If appropriate, the adult can suggest to the child that the picture they have drawn be sent to the Texas school as a show of support for the community.

REASSURE CHILDREN THEY ARE OKAY

If the child’s questions allow, reassure them that their school and first responders are prepared for all sorts of emergencies to keep students safe. If there is a gun in the home, talk to the child about the reason for having a gun (family safety) and the gun safety steps the adult takes in the home.

Finally, if adults feel anxiety of their own over the mass shooting, Dr. Stiles says they should discuss that with another adult, not with a child. Never be uncomfortable or embarrassed to reach out to others – medical professionals included – for support of adult or children in times of crisis.